Thursday, September 30, 2010
Life can be hell...
Life is hell at the moment. Worries about work, money and being who I am. I'm so over ? theres not much more to say tonight...so goodnight.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
My real name is Nik
Well, I think its time I revealed my self here! I am Nik and I was born womym (woman) but always felt I was a boi (boy). I consider myself a Feminist who has struggled in the Lesbian community for acceptance regarding my "Gender Issues". I'm coming up to my 50th birthday and some would say that I am "old school," Lesbian Feminist. I don't mind that! Some, who are very close to me, have said that I'm a smoothie from way back, that makes me feel real good...LOL. The friends I have are important and precious to me.
I have learnt that being as honest as possible in all relationships, in particular close/interment relationships is a good thing, but honesty can also back fire as the truth can hurt. That's the price you pay for honesty.
I'm in a relationship with a womyn, and she great! She is a person who is very supportive, understanding and accepting...you need that if you what to be in a relationship with me...I'm not easy to live with, but that's another story to tell some other time.
I have a beautiful, talented writer, 21 year old daughter that I am a co-parent to, who I love dearly. Infact, as a Lesbian I have had a number of relationships with Lesbians who have children, so I have many children and a couple of grandchildren (not that I have contact with them all, but they are part of me and my life, which in turn make me who I am.
Speaking about family! I am not close to my own blood family, though I have tyred, they don't seem to try to stay in contact with me. It's been like that all my life (mmm another story there). I seem to collect families. As a Lesbian you get close to your partners children, their family/s and close friends, so in turn I collect families. One of my ex'es said this to me recently...It's interesting!
That's it for now...
Go in Peace
Nik
I have learnt that being as honest as possible in all relationships, in particular close/interment relationships is a good thing, but honesty can also back fire as the truth can hurt. That's the price you pay for honesty.
I'm in a relationship with a womyn, and she great! She is a person who is very supportive, understanding and accepting...you need that if you what to be in a relationship with me...I'm not easy to live with, but that's another story to tell some other time.
I have a beautiful, talented writer, 21 year old daughter that I am a co-parent to, who I love dearly. Infact, as a Lesbian I have had a number of relationships with Lesbians who have children, so I have many children and a couple of grandchildren (not that I have contact with them all, but they are part of me and my life, which in turn make me who I am.
Speaking about family! I am not close to my own blood family, though I have tyred, they don't seem to try to stay in contact with me. It's been like that all my life (mmm another story there). I seem to collect families. As a Lesbian you get close to your partners children, their family/s and close friends, so in turn I collect families. One of my ex'es said this to me recently...It's interesting!
That's it for now...
Go in Peace
Nik
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Family!
Life is hell right now! Grandma has been sick and she has a son 49years old who has Down Syndrome. I looked after him at their home. It was depressing! He has never been socialised and never goes out the front door...
He's in pain and she's in denial, it's killing me to see them like this. Grandma at 87 thinks I know nothing about the world. She wont take advice, listen to new ideas and lies about things to cover up how the situation that they are in.
Took 6mths to get a carer for him and she wouldn't let the carer do anything but shower him. Its all too crazy for me, I'm so sad and angry all at the same time...my energy is zapped I can hardly write...
So I will say goodnight.
He's in pain and she's in denial, it's killing me to see them like this. Grandma at 87 thinks I know nothing about the world. She wont take advice, listen to new ideas and lies about things to cover up how the situation that they are in.
Took 6mths to get a carer for him and she wouldn't let the carer do anything but shower him. Its all too crazy for me, I'm so sad and angry all at the same time...my energy is zapped I can hardly write...
So I will say goodnight.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"inspiral Arts Inc"
Here you will find who I really am, like my name...please join and share with anyone who is interested in Theatre, Photography & Arts in all its mediums. I have a BA in Theatre & Drama. I have had extensive experience in Direction, production, stage management, little bit of acting, (I was even in a band once, we wrote our own songs) and I have had some great mentors in my 50 years on this planet.
The idea around Inspiral Arts Inc is to produce, support, promote women in Theatre & Arts. I've done it before so I can do it again. I will be posting past performances etc once I have others who were involved permission. Watch these spaces!
What I would like to do is set up a website, when I can figure that out too! I need a job! I need a car that goes! And a little bit of cash to raise me from the poverty line and pay for hormone treatment! Sounds simple hey, but I've had a hard couple of years and lost some nerve regarding work...but I'm bouncing back...
So check me out see what you think, comment, critique and lets get going.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I am grateful and not dead!
Always thinking what to say! Hard to write but here it goes!
So whats Up? Hysterectomy went well, was told that my left ovary was adhered to by bowel, no wonder I had pain all my life with 'bleeding time'. Its all over, no more cuput, fineato, finished, fin & THE END. So happy about that, you wouldn't have guessed that I was happy, would you? Ha! Now what else do I need to do to myself? Later!
Pre hospital was mad time, gf was working full time, I was dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis, we got the house we wanted to rent and I was about to go to hospital.(plus other things, too many to mention) Our friends were fantastic in there help to move us we could not do without them. So our new house has it all, a great big house with 4 bedrooms, big new kitchen with dishwasher I might add, dinning space and family room, a small easy keep garden with native plants and a good size shed. So a room of one's own, a room for everyone. My Goddess and her almost 7 year old, also her 16 & 18 year old boys have a room too when they come and stay, the spare room or guest room. Don't think Ive had one of those before, lol.
My 21 year old said she will come to my 50th in December. OHG I'm nearly 50, but hey its good, exiting I'm cronning. Coming of age, coming of wisdom (hope so).
I'm striving every day to discover myself to grow, learn and listen. And yes I can have sex again now, havnt lost my touch. After the operation I was in so much pain I thought Id never be the same again, well I'm not the same. Something has shifted deep in my being. Ive had cathartic moments where everything seems so simple and right and others deep on a spiritual level. More on this on another post
I'm soooo lucky and blessed, I have love and feel love. I speak the truth and it is told back at me. I have friendships that are stronger than family, as mine is so discombobulated. I don't have money or own a house, I have a 1981 car that isn't running, I don't own a bed (have borrowed one) or any furniture just a couple of old pieces that I found on the roadside throw outs.
I'm not complaining. What I am saying is that I am very grateful for what I have. Its not much but I am happy, grateful and humbled by it all...
I do know what I want and perhaps need but I will leave that for next time. Although the things I what to explore are, "Inspirals Arts Inc" is a theatre company I started up years ago with someone else and left with them in 2000, due to a relationship split. The ex found me on facebook and sent me all the paperwork for IAI as she had not done anything much with it when I was living in the Pilbara. So I am in the beginning stages of setting it up again. I'm very exited about that.
So if you read this that would be good, I have to learn how to get traffic to my site. Might try a video, and some photos to sell or something...maybe the link is to long...I need to learn more about cyberspace...see ya next time
So whats Up? Hysterectomy went well, was told that my left ovary was adhered to by bowel, no wonder I had pain all my life with 'bleeding time'. Its all over, no more cuput, fineato, finished, fin & THE END. So happy about that, you wouldn't have guessed that I was happy, would you? Ha! Now what else do I need to do to myself? Later!
Pre hospital was mad time, gf was working full time, I was dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis, we got the house we wanted to rent and I was about to go to hospital.(plus other things, too many to mention) Our friends were fantastic in there help to move us we could not do without them. So our new house has it all, a great big house with 4 bedrooms, big new kitchen with dishwasher I might add, dinning space and family room, a small easy keep garden with native plants and a good size shed. So a room of one's own, a room for everyone. My Goddess and her almost 7 year old, also her 16 & 18 year old boys have a room too when they come and stay, the spare room or guest room. Don't think Ive had one of those before, lol.
My 21 year old said she will come to my 50th in December. OHG I'm nearly 50, but hey its good, exiting I'm cronning. Coming of age, coming of wisdom (hope so).
I'm striving every day to discover myself to grow, learn and listen. And yes I can have sex again now, havnt lost my touch. After the operation I was in so much pain I thought Id never be the same again, well I'm not the same. Something has shifted deep in my being. Ive had cathartic moments where everything seems so simple and right and others deep on a spiritual level. More on this on another post
I'm soooo lucky and blessed, I have love and feel love. I speak the truth and it is told back at me. I have friendships that are stronger than family, as mine is so discombobulated. I don't have money or own a house, I have a 1981 car that isn't running, I don't own a bed (have borrowed one) or any furniture just a couple of old pieces that I found on the roadside throw outs.
I'm not complaining. What I am saying is that I am very grateful for what I have. Its not much but I am happy, grateful and humbled by it all...
I do know what I want and perhaps need but I will leave that for next time. Although the things I what to explore are, "Inspirals Arts Inc" is a theatre company I started up years ago with someone else and left with them in 2000, due to a relationship split. The ex found me on facebook and sent me all the paperwork for IAI as she had not done anything much with it when I was living in the Pilbara. So I am in the beginning stages of setting it up again. I'm very exited about that.
So if you read this that would be good, I have to learn how to get traffic to my site. Might try a video, and some photos to sell or something...maybe the link is to long...I need to learn more about cyberspace...see ya next time
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